It was my birthday yesterday, April 5 2012 – I am now 35. This image above is from my 27 birthday when I was the Coordinator of the ‘Outdoor Youth Development Program’ for Clemson Universities 4H Camp Bob Cooper. 

As I reflect upon my 35 years, I spend most of my time looking for successes and trying to examine how the solutions to problems happened, who helped me, and what lessons I took from those solutions to make me who I am today.

I have been very fortunate to surround myself with smart, talented, loving people who were with me to recognize our shared successes and determine how to build upon our shared stories.

That will continue for another 35 years.

On with the inquiry:

When you reflect on your past, how do you recognize success?

• What were you doing?
• Who was there?
• How did others, besides you recognize your success?
• In what ways did you contribute to recognizing someone else’s success?
• When you think of this success, when do you feel that same way today?
• What might happen if, you recognize your own success more?
• What might happen if, you surrounded yourself with people who recognized your success more?
• How can you recognize others success more?

michael cardus is create-learning

All managerial work is achieved through communication with others. There are multiple communication skills, the most valuable of which is active listening. Learning includes: the relationship between effective communication and trust, and understanding and mastering a conversational model that builds the skill of active listening.

Having a degree in Philosophy leads me to enjoy challenging discussions and argument about topics that many people are passionate about.

Facilitating Team Building & Leadership programs people in teams have very, very strong beliefs that often do not match with other’s beliefs and sometimes are not rooted in any reality at all.

Inevitably in both situations emotions happen.

When I am with philosophy friends this is enjoyable, challenging and questioning and working together to find the Truth. This Truth can be found through discussions and the occasional shock to what you thought was right, and have not really thought much about. When you see your Philosophy friend getting flustered because they are beginning to have no further logic for their argument you continue to talk. Have a ‘discourse’ where you both enter into the conversation not to win or lose, but to see how together you can learn and discover new intellect.

THIS IS NOT TRUE with everyone and I tend to forget that.

Other people are entitled to their beliefs, opinions, ideas, etc.. even if they are wrong. And they don’t want to enter into a challenging discussion to discover new intellect or ideas. 

I am sure that you have been there (on either end) it generally ends in someone being called an ASSHOLE and hurt or ruined friendships, relationship, etc…

On to the inquiry – Learning and talking with the other person even with yourself when someone does not agree with you, or they are holding onto deeply held beliefs and ideas. Being a dick is not going to change anything. It will only go to reinforce the belief.

Try saying this;

Wow! We see this differently, tell me more about your idea?

Then LISTEN, and ask more questions to better understand their ideas.

Following that they may listen to you, if they don’t want to, that is alright WALK AWAY and end it.

image by Zoran Dimitrijevic

Here is a short clip

The challenge comes when working with people systems like leadership, management, performance, planning, communication of clear and distinct tasks and objectives, collaboration. These are human areas and the problem is not as identifiable as in a machine.

When examining the human system, the part cannot be removed and repaired, and the decisions become more complex. Complexity increases because human systems are interactive and what you see as the effect is not always the cause…to read more

michael cardus is create-learning

Listening to WBFO, my local NPR station…January 11 2011 Edition of Fresh Air there was an interview with Amy Chua, who authored the book, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” in this book she speaks of the differences in what she calls “Western” vs. “Chinese” parenting.

During the interview, which was great and you should listen, Chua is  talking about self-esteem and how she was able to raise very self-sufficient, talented children with high self-esteem.

What she said has  been bouncing inside my head “Self-Esteem comes from actually doing something.”

Self Esteem Comes From Actually Doing Something

We all know this and can agree. Yet why do we so often just stop doing things when they are hard, or challenging or no longer fun?

Why do we say “self-esteem is so important” then allow ourselves, our children, our employees, our leadership, our managers, our parents, our friends, our participants, etc… an accepting “I understand you are busy and that new thing is tough…so go ahead and stop doing it.”

Then be amazed because they are lethargic, apathetic and cannot complete tasks, assignments, conversations, or even be resilient to challenges?

michael cardus is create-learning

image by Lauren Manning

Thoughts of making yourself better; When you begin to focus on improving yourself, your life, your work, your expectations, your interactions, your relationships, your choices, your friendships, your love, your body, your office, your diet, your strength, your intelligence, your capacity to learn, your commitments, etc…

Everything changes.

• What 1 thing will you do for yourself tomorrow?
• How have you managed to already start?
• What will you do?
• What will you learn?

It is okay to be selfish, if you do not start to make you better, then your team, organization, and leadership will remain stagnant.

STOP waiting for your boss, spouse, significant other, family, to do it for you. They never will.

Take some responsibility and action.

michael cardus is create-learning

image by by Wetsun

Was talking with a friend, lets call him Jake…Jake wants to change his career (Jake has changed careers because he thought it would make him “Happier” several times in the past 10 years we have been friends.)

In our discussion – Jake said he wanted to be a Crime Scene Investigator. Currently Jake is a 47 year old non-profit director of residential care.

I asked what made him think he is qualified for being a crime scene investigator and why he wants to do this now? To which he responded with

 

“Mike why can’t you just be happy for me?”

Here is my response.

Being happy for you and wanting to see you be successful are two VERY different things.

1. I am happy for you; Everything you do and choice you make I am happy for. You are an amazing person, with passion, and pursuit.

The challenge is Jake; When will you be happy with you?

2. Seeing you be successful is different than being happy for you.

What is that? what will make you successful? Explain the why and the implications.

Success comes from defining the why, and how? Why a Crime Scene Investigator? Why now? What will be different? How will your interactions with people be more successful? What small things will you notice in your daily routine that tell you this has been achieved? How will staff treat you?

Jake, I am a person who believes in you and wants to see you live on purpose, and not just live on what you feel is right now.
I am always happy for you.

What are you looking for? what is a successful, Jake?

Remember that being successful won’t necessarily bring happiness, and happiness does not mean you are successful.

Defining success comes from defining the why and how of your success. How do you define personal and professional success?

Would like to know?

michael cardus is create-learning

image by bixentro